Sähköpostihuijari jolle vastailua minä en lopettanut
From: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Date: 5.4.2015 19:54
To: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]
Subject: Good day my good friend
good day my good friend,
I am Mr Mr Jalo Mohamed the head of file department of Bank of Africa (B.O.A) here in Burkina Faso / Ouagadougou. In my department we discover an abandoned sum of (US$18.5mllion US Dollars) in an account that belongs to one of our foreign customer who died along with his family in plane crash.
It is therefore upon this discovery that I now decided to make this business proposal to you and release the money to you as the next of kin or relation to the deceased for the safety and subsequent disbursement since nobody is coming for it. I agree that 40% of this money will be for you, while 60% would be for me. Then after the money is been transferred into your account, I will visit your country for an investment under your kind control.
You have to contact my Bank directly as the real next of kin of this deceased account with next of kin application form. You have to send me those your information below to enable me use it and get you next of kin application form from bank, so that you will contact Bank for the transfer of this money into your account.
Your Full Name______________
Your Home Address______________
Your Age _____
Your Handset Number____________
Your Occupation____________
I am waiting for your urgent respond to enable us proceed further please reply bark in this email address for the transfer.
Yours faithfully,
Mr Jalo Mohamed
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]Date: 6.4.2015 10:18
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Hello,
Isn't it illegal to move money from a dead man's account into my account without any legal reason?
Are you sure it wasn't my dead cousin Herbert who died in the airplane? If it was Herbert Mäkinen, then I will of course give you my information, because Herbert once touched me. Touched me bad. And I need revenge.
May the love of Christ be with you,
Santeri
From: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]Date: 7.4.2015 15:21
To: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]
Dear.Santeri,
Thanks for your mail which I just received with the contents well understood. I want to assure you that there is no risk in this transaction, the reason why I contacted you in this transaction is because our late customer Mr. Andreas Schranner is a foreigner and an indigence of (Burkina be) cannot stand as next of kin to our deceased customer unless a foreigner. But for now I want you to be following up every process that I will be giving you so that we can achieve this aim. Quickly go through this website: https://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/859479.stm
I want you to assure me of your capability of handling this transfer with trust by giving me the following information?s about yourself:
1) Your Full name.
2) Your age.
3) Your occupation.
4) Your private telephone number.
5) Your location and your full contact address
Now I will like to use this opportunity to tell you the detail information's concerning our deceased customer. The deceased account holder with our bank was MR.ANDREAS SCHRANNER, A CITIZEN OF GERMAN who naturalized JNE…
Waiting to hear from you urgently, Best Regards, Mr.Jalo Mohamed
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]
Date: 7.4.2015 17:42
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Subject: Re: Dear.Santeri, Read carefully and get back to me with your personal details.
Dear Jalo,
Did you know Jalo means "noble" in Finnish? It's a huge coincidence, since Santeri, I'm told, means "more noble" in Swahili. Is this true or did the black man who washed my car at that gas station in my dreams last night lie to me?
I've still got a question. How did you decide it was me who should get that money? I mean, I don't know Andreas Schranner at all. Also, I went to Facebook and it seems he is alive and well. Should I ask him to be my Facebook friend and ask him why BBC and Burkina Faso thinks he is dead?
Here's my totally real informations:
1) Full name: Santeri Kristus Mäkinen
2) Age: 27
3) Occupation: Psychic
4) Telephone number: 0447334928 (If I don't answer, I am probably in the shower or in psychic trance so please keep calling) [TÄMÄ ON JONKUN PUHELINMYYJÄN NUMERO]
5) Location and contact address: Roimairoiraisaikatu 45 Helsinki Suomi Finland
Since I am kind of an psychic, I sense that you have a sick relative or a wife that you shouldn't tell me about but you will. Or maybe it's a long letter to a bank I should sign? Am I right?
Please contact me ASAP since I really want to know if I should ask that dude to be my Facebook friend. I recently lost one friend in Facebook because I was too cool and she was a bitch. I need someone to replace her, fast.
Love,
Santeri
From: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Date: 7.4.2015 21:24
To: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]
Subject: Dear. Santeri Kristus Mäkinen. Fill and send the application from my claim to my bank
Dear.Santeri Kristus Mäkinen,
Thanks for your personal details, meanwhile what you have to do now is to fill your personal data/account information in the below application and send it to my bank through the bank e-mail so that the management of my bank will process and transfer that money into your bank account.
Write or call me immediately you send the application to my bank so that I will follow it up from my side and advise you on what to do next. This is my direct mobile phone number, call me anytime +226 79988253
I wait to hear from you urgently
Best regards Mr.Jalo Mohamed
TÄSSÄ OLI YLLÄTTÄEN MUKANA PITKÄ KIRJE JOKA PITÄISI TÄYTTÄÄ JA LÄHETTÄÄ PANKILLE, MUTTA EN NYT VIITSI JULKAISTA SITÄ KOSKA KOKO VIESTIKETJUN PITUUS TUPLAANTUISI
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]Date: 8.4.2015 9:32
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Dear Jalo,
How are you? How's the weather like? What's all this then? Cheerio!
I tried to print that fucking novel you call an "application letter" so that I could write my information there but it wouldn't print. Can you please send it to me in PDF-format. Preferably with Calibri font, size 14. You may and should attach some funny ClipArt pictures in to the letter as well. Thanks in advance.
Also, you didn't answer if I should ask Andreas Schranner to be my Facebook friend, because, you know, he might be shocked to hear that he had died, given that he is alive.
Love,
Santeri
From: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]Date: 8.4.2015 11:41
To: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]
Dear. Santeri Kristus Mäkinen,
Thanks for your mail, I want you to know that Mr.Andreas Schranner is death and you can't be a friend with a death man Ok.
Most Importantly, There is no need of printing the form, Just fill the form according to my instruction and send it to my bank email address so that they process and transfer that money into your bank account Ok.
Fill the form and send it to my bank email immediately so that they will proceed further,
Regards Mr.Jalo Mohamed.
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]Date: 8.4.2015 17:59
To: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]
Dear Jalo Muhammad,
One time, many years ago, I met this great woman called Liisa. Liisa was funny, didn't take life too seriously and could make love for hours. Then, maybe six months into our relationship, I found out Liisa had been dead all the time. Then I found out I could see dead people everywhere. I told my friends in Hollywood about this, thinking I could make millions, but they just told me they had already plowed that plot device to death.
Anyway, my point is that yes, you can be friends with a dead man. I already sent Andreas a friend request but he hasn't answered. I also tried to send you a friend request but there were like hundreds of Muhammad Jalos. Which one is you?
I will send the bank my details very soon. Right now I am waiting for my new date, Hanna. Hanna is also dead, but she doesn't know it yet, so I might use that to break her and then score.
Wish me luck!
Santeri
From: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]Date: 9.4.2015 13:20
To: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]
Dear.Santeri Kristus Mäkinen,
Thanks for your mail, I want you to send me your bank account details then I will help you fill the form with your bank account details and submit it to my bank so that they can process and transfer that money into your bank account Ok.
I wait for your bank account information,
Regards Mr.Jalo Mohamed.
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]Date: 9.4.2015 19:15
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Hi Jalo,
Things have happened. Some weird things.
So, remember how I said that I could see dead people and I had a date with this one called Hanna that didn't know she was dead and I tried to use that information to get some? I know, psychology rocks!
Well, the evening started fine. We had some red wine, laughed, watched some TV, things like that. And then I was getting ready to make my move. I was just about to tell Hanna she was in fact dead and then comfort her and then get some sex with good old fashioned psychology (which rocks). But right at that moment she told me that she can see dead people and dead people think that she is dead.
This of course freaked me out, because, as she claims, I am dead. Then I cried and she comforted me and then she psychologically used me. It was basically a rape scenario. It's a sort of blur line I guess, but I feel violated and dirty.
This realization that I am actually dead explains so much. It is the reason I actually see dead people and have seen them for some time. Also, I haven't aged in years. And I can't pick up some things because my hand goes through them like air. In retrospect, I should have guessed this ages ago.
Hanna told me that because I am a ghost and have been for some time, I can't actually own any property. This includes ownership of an account in a bank. Also home. And body. It's fucked up. She didn't say anything about cash though.
Please withdraw the cash from the bank and send me my percentance of it in mail so I can try to buy my way back into the realm of the living.
With love,
Santeri Kristus Mäkinen
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]Date: 10.4.2015 19:13
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Hello Jalo,
I just wanted to check up on you and make sure you are sending me my money. I hope the fact that I am dead is not a problem and scaring you. It shouldn't. You are completely safe, if you send me the money I mean.
Being dead is awesome, in some regards. I can jump off buildings, kill people in stealth and do wicked cool sword moves; basically it's like Assasins Creed without all those long and boring talk sequences. And nobody is judging me because they can't see me unless I want them to see me, which I don't. Of course when they do die, then they can see me even if I don't want them to. That's why I hide in the bushes right after the kill. I hate to be judged by people. It's my only flaw.
I keep seeing these white dudes with wings that tell me to stop killing people in stealth and to "move on". I have no idea what that means so I keep doing things I want to do instead.
Tomorrow I am going to hijack a car, go to the docks, wait for a hooker, have ghost-sex with her, then drive over the hooker with the stolen car, hide in a bush and wait for her to accept the fact she's dead and leave and then pick up my money that I gave her which she dropped to the ground when she died like hookers do. It's kinda like that one game also. The one that has the annoying cousin who keeps calling you and asking you to go bowling with him. Those calls fucking suck! Am I right? High five!
Do you think video games make people behave like this or is it inherent? Let's talk about this.
Love,
Santeri Kristus Mäkinen
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]Date: 12.4.2015 11:15
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Hello Jalo,
Could you please tell me the bank details of the bank you are going to withdraw the money from so I can call them and ask if the money has already been withdrawn and know if you have fucked me over. Because I'm starting to feel like I'm being fucked over. And it's really uncool to fuck with dead people. Why haven't you answered my mails?
What? How am I, you ask? I'm great, thanks for asking. I do need some money though, because I can't get employed now that I am dead. The white guys with angel wings keep telling me that I don't need any money and I really should just "move on" because my dad waits me or something but I guess they must be poor . They seem like those people that don't have any possessions because they think that the things you own end up owning you. I hate those people.
So please, give me the bank details so I know if you have fucked me over.
With wrath,
Santeri Kristus Mäkinen
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]Date: 13.4.2015 13:22
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Dear Jalo,
Fuck the money, I don't need it anymore. Wait till you hear what happened last night! This shit is great!
So, like, I got really tired of watching the white dudes with wings telling me to move on. Finally I asked them what did they mean, and they sighed and said there was a place for me in heaven. I was shocked and asked them "really" while strangling a dog with my belt. They sighed and said yes, really.
Because, and here's the punchline, it turns out I can do whatever the fuck I want and still get to go to heaven because my dad IS THE FUCKING GOD! I am the re-incarnation on Jesus Christ!
In retrospect, this is also something I should have guessed before, just like I should have guessed that I was dead for years. My second name is actually Christ in Finnish and I have the fishsymbol and the cross symbol as birthmarks in my legs. And I also have the halo over my head. Yes, I know, it's a giveaway sign, but I always just thought it was like an optical illusion. I was drunk and angry most of the time I was on earth so that explains a lot.
Right now I am in Heaven, just got here. I'll mail you later and tell you what it's like after I have rested a bit.
With Jesusy love,
Santeri Kristus
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]Date: 15.4.2015 15:36
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Hello Jalo,
Greetings from Heaven. God says hi. Also some dude named Jeff. He says you know him.
Anyway, Heaven... Yeah, heaven is great and all but for some reason it seems to be stuck in the 50's. That kind of blows. The music here is also terrible. I tried to get some NWA but they only have like Paul Anka and something called Jazz which, believe me, sucks ass. Also, it's not my thing, but they don't allow black people in here.
Oh, about that. Are you black? Or muslim? Both of those are a biiiiig problem here. I guess you need to do something about it. My dad wouldn't even let Nelson Mandela in, so yeah... You may be facing a world of trouble later.
My dad is also pretty square. He likes Big Bang Theory and tells jokes! Who the fuck tells jokes? My dad, that's who. Also, he doesn't drink! I can't believe I came from his divine seed.
They have casual friday coming and I need to get some clothes from some Hawaian store. It's probably gonna suck too. Also, they have money and stores in heaven. Who would have guessed that, right?
Anyway, how are you?
Love,
Santeri Kristus
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]Date: 22.4.2015 12:28
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Hello Jalo,
How are you? Me, I'm fine. I'm getting used to heaven now. Even the music is starting to grow on me. Who would have guessed I'd like Sinatra one day. Not as a person, though, he was fucking rude the other day, calling me a black sheep or something, so I had to challenge him to a duel. I totally won though, so it's all good now. Sinatra died and my dad says he is now in limbo.
Oh yeah, about that. Have you seen Inception? It's kinda like that in here. There are layers and then there's limbo. And also like Inception, I don't completely understand it but I'm going with the flow. All I understand is that Sinatra is gone for good and that's great.
About the money. I still want it, but there are logistic problems. I think your best bet would be to find a good white Christian, give him the money in cash and then kill him. I'll take the money from him when he gets here and then kill him again so he can spend his eternity in limbo with that asshole Sinatra. So, can you do that to me?
Also, before you kill him, can you give the good white Christian a couple of albums by Ice Cube and Busta Rhymes?
Thanks,
Santeri
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]Date: 13.11.2015 21:07
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Hello,
Been waiting for that good white christian for some time now, like fucking years!
One week in heaven is like an hour in earth (disturbingly similar to Inception again) so please kill the good white Christian with my money and good music soon and I will grant you one wish for I am thee savior, yea. But it must be a wish my dad approves because he can overrule me. Wish for like, I don't know, a nice shirt or something. Maybe a pet is fine, unless it's a cool pet like a snake. My dad hates snakes.
Still waiting,
Santeri Kristus
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]Date: 17.7.2016 8:37
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed9@gmail.com]
Hi,
It's been more than 15 months in earth time since we started our conversation. In heaven-time, that's closing in on 50 years. And for all this time, I have been waiting by the new arrivals, asking them did Jalo kill them and give them the money and the music. And everyone has said no.
There was this one dude Jason who had some really good music with him, but he wasn't killed by you and he wouldn't give the CDs to me.
Should I just stop waiting for you to act like a man or should I do the right thing and plant some little girl pubes in Jason's bathroom and expel him to hell so I can get the music from him?
Please respond ASAP!
The Kristus
From: Santeri Mäkinen [santeri.makinen@luukku.com]
Date: 19.7.2016 11:27
To: Jalo Mohamed [jalomohamed@gmail.com]
Subject: Last warning
I am planting the pubes if you do not respond within this day. In earth time.
-S